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Dealing With Rejection

The human experience of rejection is difficult, and we can all relate to this at some point in our lives. Being rejected by anyone is tough let alone being turned away by a loved one, it leaves you feeling empty, wounded and unloved. Rejection from others can definitely lead to “self-rejection” as you will start to treat yourself the same way other people are treating you.

It’s important to know and understand that your worth is not based on how other people treat you or because they failed to notice what a great person you are. You are always worthy regardless of how people treat you.

Rejection communicates to someone that they’re not loved or valued and unwanted which Just crucifies our feelings. Nobody wants to feel that way and it can do a lot of damage to a person.

“There’s a Psychological basis to the pain of rejection too. Research shows that rejection triggers the same brain pathways that are activated when we experience physical pain”- Guy Winch PHD, psychologist, author and blogger.

I always find making a list of the positive qualities you already have can reduce negative self-talk and it’s a way of affirming our worth.

Distractions

Sometimes these people are merely “distractions” in your life and some of them are actually getting in the way of your destiny and your goals. So, although it may feel like rejection and you’re hurt, please remember it can be a blessing in disguise. Everyone is not going to accept you and although we crave that from others we need to first learn to accept ourselves. Some people are not going to be for you and that’s ok.

If you’re putting your precious time and energy into trying to win people over and if these people are not seeing the gift that you are and they want to leave then let them go and feel relieved they’re gone “not rejected”. You don’t have to chase these people and let them manipulate you, hoping that they’ll call and include you in their life because the real people who genuinely care about you will light up when they see you, you will not have to force them for attention and your love shouldn’t feel like a burden or a bother to anybody.

Now don’t spend another minute trying to convince someone to be in your life, if you have to talk them into it “they are not for you they are a distraction”. Stay focused on your goals and on what you’re trying to accomplish. Some people will only take withdrawals and will never make any deposits in your life.

Being rejected is hard enough! and it’s even worse to experience it when you already have low self-esteem. You become more vulnerable to it and it becomes more painful to deal with which will ultimately take longer to recover from. Therefore, people with higher self-esteem tend to be more resilient.

Fear of rejection is a strong emotion and it can often hold us back in all aspects of life, whether it’s love, career or family. It’s important that you don’t avoid situations out of fear because you’re concerned or because you don’t want to deal with being turned away.

The key to becoming more resilient is to build your self-esteem up. Remind yourself of your worth and how much you are loved! there are people who value you, care about you and “you do belong somewhere,” that constant reminder is so important, it’s healing for your wounds. Rejection isn’t even always about you, sometimes it’s about the other individual so that’s also important to consider. Try putting yourself in their shoes and see if it’s really about you or not, be honest with yourself and this will help you in the healing process. Take as much time as you need to heal and let yourself go through the healing process.

Before you can accept your feelings, it helps to understand rejection. From an emotional standpoint, coming to terms with rejection is a process, much like grieving a loss.

As you process your feelings, you’ll move from one phase to the next until you’re eventually past the thoughts and feelings of anger, disappointment, and self-doubt you’re experiencing to move beyond the situation and find peace. 

The amount of time you spend on each phase of rejection depends on you and the situation. Some may pass quickly, others less. It’s important to be patient with yourself. There’s no optimal rate for getting over rejection. 

Here are the five phases of rejection.

1. Denial

Your first reaction to discovering someone is turning you down will be disbelief. There must be some mistake. You deserve this person’s regard and respect, so you might feel something’s just off.

2. Anger

That’s denial, and once you realize that your rejection isn’t a misunderstanding, you’ll move on to feeling angry. Once you realize the person spurning you isn’t recognizing the error of their ways, you might be mad.

At this point, it might be tempting to go off on the person rejecting you. Don’t do it. Ultimately, venting your negative emotions at them will only cause more hurt for yourself. Take a deep breath and work to calm yourself down. This is a situation where you need to let cooler heads prevail and try to manage your anger. 

Man-with-hands-on-his-eyes-looking-angy-at-the-office-how-to-deal-with-rejection

3. Bargaining

You’ll get to the point where you begin to think that the person who disappointed you did so because of a faulty assumption or a lack of information. You’ll think that if you could just talk to them, you’ll win them over. 

This phase can easily devolve into something frightening for the other person if you let it. You need to give the person who turned you down space. They don’t owe you an explanation for their rejection, but for the sake of your future relationship — should you both choose to have one — you need to accept their decision with grace and move forward.

4. Depression

Rejection comes with a tangled knot of emotion. On top of feeling angry and disappointed, you’re sad, embarrassed, confused, hurt, or all of the above. Your self-confidence has taken a hit, and you may be questioning your worth. All these feelings are a valid response to rejection that might lead to feelings of depression.

Now is when you need to pull out all the self-care routine. Burn candles, take a bubble bath, or surround yourself with friends. Whatever gives you a sense of comfort, self-worth and love do it!

Once you feel comforted, begin examining your feelings to identify which emotions are driving your depression and make a plan to address them. It could be as simple as reminding yourself why you are a wonderful human being and of all the people who love and value you. 

5. Acceptance

Now that your emotions have rebounded and you’re feeling more like your old, confident self, it’s time to take a critical look at the situation. Maybe the rejection stemmed from the fact you weren’t a good fit or other factors beyond your control.

You may spot a mistake you made and know it’s a learning opportunity. It’s also possible that you will never fully understand the whys and hows of the situation. And that’s OK. 

Regardless, you’ve learned and grown from the experience. You now understand the process, and the next time you face rejection, you’ll be better able to recognize what you’re feeling. Most importantly you are in a healthy place and ready to move forward in peace.

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